Tag Archives: manners

The Handwritten Note of Gratitude

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As I write this article, we have just celebrated one of our favorite and most meaningful holidays. Thanksgiving is in the rear-view mirror, but surely we maintain the attitude of gratitude from that day. Even in this difficult time of Covid, we have much to be thankful for. As we approach Christmas, Hannukah and Kwanza, we look forward to sharing meals, parties and gifts with our friends, families and coworkers.

Now is the time to consider how and when you will express your thanks to those who have brought joy to your life. Maybe it was something special that you received during the year—a gift, a favor, a shoulder to cry on, a listening ear or an encouraging word when you needed it most. Let those people who matter to you know how much you appreciate them.

How do you do this? By a simple act. You send them a handwritten note with words that come from your heart. Not surprisingly this is challenging for many of us. As a result, we don’t do it or we put it off for an embarrassingly long time.

Let me suggest a few things that will help you write those notes.

  1. Start with a list of those whom you want to thank.
  2. Keep your list close by so it stays not only on your desk but on your mind.
  3. Purchase your stationery, either fold over notes or correspondence cards.
  4. Buy several pens that write easily.
  5. You’ll need to have stamps at the ready.
  6. Keep all your supplies where they are easily accessible.
  7. Set aside a time every day to write a few notes.
  8. Then do it.

Thank you notes need not be lengthy. A few sentences are enough if you are feeling challenged.

  • Mention specifically what you are grateful for.
  • If you have received a gift, say what you will do with it.
  • If someone has been kind or thoughtful, let them know what their kindness meant to you.
  • Perhaps look to the future as you close. Mention how you want to connect with or stay in touch with that person.
  • Select a closing that you are comfortable with. It could be “Gratefully”, “With sincere gratitude” or even “Thank you again”.
  • Sign your name and you’re done.

I want to leave you with a quote from my dear friend and colleague, Elizabeth Herbert Cottrell, whose book HEARTSPOKEN: How to Write Notes that Connect, Comfort, Encourage, and Inspire is soon to be published.

“Some say the handwritten note is a dying art, yet in both professional and personal life, it is still one of the most powerful tools we have for connecting meaningfully with others. A well-written note can give voice to the stirrings of your most heartfelt sentiments and can be read, saved, and treasured forever.”

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Covid Kindness

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“These are the times that try men’s souls” or so it seems. As we struggle to live with Covid and all that has changed about the way we live our lives, we tend to wonder, “Where have all the good times gone?” They are still with us. Even though I have identified a behavior that I call “Covid Cranky,” I can’t help but be heartened by another which is “Covid Kindness.” I experienced an example of that today.

It has been a completely miserable chilly, rainy and windy day here in normally sunny Savannah. As one who does not enjoy the obligatory trip to the grocery store under the best of circumstances, I particularly dislike it in bad weather. I might have survived without going out, but my two elderly cats let me know we were low on their favorite cat food. They rule so out I went.

Mercifully, it stopped raining just as I arrived at the store. I had my umbrella with me. Thank goodness. When I started to leave, the rain began to come down with a vengeance. I opened my pitifully small umbrella and with an overflowing cart made my way through the parking lot where the water was already puddling.

As I approached my car, a woman coming toward me smiled through the downpour and asked, “May I help you with that?” I need to point out that she had neither an umbrella nor a raincoat. I thanked her and said I would be fine. She was determined and refused to take no for an answer. Not only did she help me load the groceries into my car, but she also insisted on holding the tiny umbrella over my head.

When we finished, I tried to give her my umbrella assuring her that I had others at home. She would not hear of it. Thoroughly dampened, she set off through the pouring rain toward the store.

I have no idea who she was. I doubt I will ever see her again, but I will never forget her. The simple act of kindness from a perfect stranger made my day. The rain continues to fall, but nothing can dampen my spirits because of the humble act of a perfect stranger.

Will you be the kind stranger in someone’s life at the next opportunity? At a time when we are feeling more stress and anxiety in our daily lives, reaching out to another human being can make a world of difference in how we feel and how we make others feel.

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Covidiquette: Etiquette in the Time of Covid

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Is it Covidiquette or Pandemiquette? Whatever we call it, we are struggling to figure out the new rules of etiquette and manners so that we remain courteous and polite during these trying times. In a recent article, I wrote about “Covid Cranky,” a condition that, like it or not, has infected every one of us.

I stepped up and confessed that I have suffered from “Covid Cranky”. In the last two years, I have said and done things that seem completely out of character and certainly not worthy of someone who professes to be an “expert” on manners and etiquette.

When I have noticed this behavior in others, I have assumed these people were cranky and rude by nature and acted that way pre-Covid. However, through my own informal research into this phenomenon, I have discovered that this is not limited to those born cranky. Friends and colleagues, who are generally kind and courteous, have confessed to these uncharacteristic behaviors as well. They have found themselves being rude to people online and using the anonymity of the Internet to say things they would previously have kept to themselves.  They have lashed out at people over the phone and even abruptly hung up on a few.

What is it about the pandemic that has made us act in such uncivilized ways?

  • Have we been cooped up so long that we have forgotten how to act in the real world?
  • Do our masks give us license to act anonymously?
  • Are we tired of being told what we can and cannot do?
  • Is rarely being able to talk to a live person causing frustration?
  • Do we long to see smiling faces?
  • Is our patience wearing thin trying to keep up with the ever-changing rules?

It may be some or all the above plus more. You could add to this list, I am sure.

So, what can we do? As always, we cannot control the behavior of others. When we encounter rude or difficult people, we can:

  • Try not to mimic their conduct.
  • Honor the preferences of others and not be judgmental about their choices.
  • Step back and consider what might be going on in their lives to spark this behavior.
  • Protect ourselves when we feel threatened but do so graciously.
  • Consider the effect of our actions or words on others.
  • Ask ourselves if we are treating others as we would like to be treated.

It is not hard to be nice. It takes less energy than being combative. So, before you turn on your computer, pick up the phone or go out into the world, put down your sword and shield. Instead, put a smile on your masked face and generosity in your spirit. I promise to do the same.

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Holiday Gift-Giving in the Office – Do’s and Don’ts

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There is enough stress during the holiday season without worrying  about how to handle gift-giving in the office.  More than a few people struggle with this issue every year. Do any of the following questions ring a seasonal bell with you?

  • Should you give a gift to everyone you work with?
  • Do you need to buy a present for your boss?
  • What are appropriate gifts?
  • How much should you be expected to spend?
  • When is the right time to present your gifts?
  • What if you cannot afford to a gift exchange?

The list goes on. So what can you or your office do to eliminate the stress and confusion around this time-honored workplace tradition?

The first thing to do is to establish a company policy on gift-giving. If the company does not have one, then decide with your co-workers how you want to handle this challenge. Make sure that everyone is on board with the collective decision. Many people would prefer not to give gifts at work during the holidays. If you choose to exchange gifts in the office, here are some points to consider.

  1. Honor those people who don’t want to participate in a holiday gift exchange. Reasons for not engaging could range from religious or cultural to financial. Choose a process which allows people to opt-in, rather than opt-out. One way to do this is by passing around a sign-up sheet for those who want in. No pressure or judgment should be placed on those who don’t sign up.
  2. Set a low dollar limit which will make it easier for everyone to participate. After all, holiday time can be costly at best.
  3. Stay within the limits set. Just because you can afford something better, going over will not win you any friends. Now if you found something you like on sale, that’s okay. However, avoid going into detail about the original price as opposed what you paid for it. That is completely unnecessary.
  4. Avoid giving inappropriate items to your co-workers. Those include personal gifts such as clothing, jewelry or perfume. Save those items for family and friends. Gag gifts are also on the banned list. Not everyone thinks the same things are funny so don’t give a gift that could be offensive. You’ll have to work with the person you offended long after the holidays.
  5. If you want to give a special gift to a close colleague, do it outside the office, not in front of others.
  6. There is no obligation to give the boss a gift.  Sorry, boss. Gifting should flow downward, not upward. Consider this: the boss makes the most money and is the person who should be buying for the employees. When everyone pitches in to buy something for the boss, guess who ends up with the most expensive gift in the office? If everyone feels strongly about giving to the boss, set a dollar limit there as well and collect a minimal amount from each employee.

These rules for gift-giving in the office are designed to make the process more joyful and less stressful. Don’t use them as an excuse to play Scrooge or the office Grinch.

About Lydia Ramsey

Lydia Ramsey is on a mission to stamp out rudeness and enhance professional conduct in the workplace. She is a Savannah-based business etiquette expert, sought-after speaker, trainer, author and newspaper columnist. She is the author of Manners That Sell – Adding the Polish That Builds Profits and Lydia Ramsey’s Little Book of Table Manners.

Contact her at 912-604-0080 or visit her at LydiaRamsey.com to leave a comment, ask a question or learn more about her programs and products for businesses, corporations, associations, colleges and universities.

 

 

 

 

 

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Flying Etiquette – It’s Time for a Few Tips

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With the holidays upon us, more than a few people will be taking to those formerly friendly skies to visit family and friends or perhaps to take a special vacation. Wherever they are headed, one thing is for sure—their air travel will have its share of challenges.

British Airways has unveiled an unofficial rulebook on flying etiquette in an effort to help their passengers handle some sticky in-flight issues. The airline surveyed 1,500 travelers in the US, UK, France, Germany and Italy to get their thoughts on etiquette in the air.

Given the diversity of countries and cultures, there were naturally conflicting opinions on the do’s and don’ts of mile high manners. The results are food for thought for those taking flight.

The airline tackled what it considered to be the four biggest areas of contention: Should you take off your shoes and socks in flight? Who owns the armrest? Should you engage in pillow talk with your seatmate? And what are the rules about waking a sleeping neighbor?

Shoes and socks on or off? Not surprisingly, travelers overwhelmingly agreed that removing your socks is unacceptable, but taking off your shoes is all right. The one group taking the opposite approach was the Italians. Apparently, taking off either is tantamount to undressing in flight. My perspective on this is that it’s fine to take off your shoes as long as your socks are clean. And no bare feet, no matter when you last washed them.

Who owns the rights to the armrest? There was general agreement that every flier should have at least one. The point of contention was the middle seat. Is that passenger entitled to one, two or none? American and British fliers seemed to want to claim both armrests; whereas the French, Germans and Italians said that he who asks first shall prevail. Now that hardly seems fair to me. The poor soul who is wedged in a middle seat ought to be given more consideration. Besides, I can never recall hearing anyone asking permission for an armrest. More often than not there is a silent battle between seatmates.

Pillow talk: is it okay to chit chat? There was general agreement that passengers should acknowledge each other with a smile and a quick greeting. After that US and UK fliers are not eager to engage in conversation and have their subtle ways of sending that message—like taking out a book or putting on their headset. Italians, being the friendly warm people that they are, enjoy a good in-flight conversation. Ignoring your seatmate entirely may cause you to miss out on a good connection and an interesting experience. I once sold copies of one of my books to a seatmate.

Should you wake a sleeping seatmate? You need to make a trip to the lavatory and the person between you and the aisle is asleep. What to do? This could well be my favorite. 80% of travelers say that it’s okay to wake your neighbor, but 40% say that you should only do it once per flight. I wonder if there was any consideration given to the time in flight. It seems to me one needs to be more flexible on this issue. However,if you find yourself making frequent trips to the restroom, book an aisle seat. And don’t overlook the etiquette of climbing over. Global etiquette dictates that you make a face-to-face exit. Try it; it’s not easy.

The fourth question begs a fifth: What to do about the seatmate who is snoring? Here is where the majority of people tended to be polite and said they would ignore those intermittent outbursts—all except the British who would not hesitate to give a chap a nudge.

There are indeed rules of flying etiquette to be observed when you take off for the holidays, it’s clear that not everyone can agree on what they should be. Perhaps that’s why there is so much turmoil in the air these days.

You can’t control how someone else behaves, but you can manage your own manners. Showing as much consideration for your fellow passengers as you would like for them to show you could just possibly bring about a return of the friendly skies. Oh for the good ole days.

 

Lydia Ramsey is on a mission to stamp out rudeness and enhance professional conduct in the workplace. She is a Savannah-based business etiquette expert, sought-after speaker, trainer, author and newspaper columnist. She is the author of Manners That Sell – Adding the Polish That Builds Profits and Lydia Ramsey’s Little Book of Table Manners.

Contact her at 912-604-0080 or visit her at LydiaRamsey.com to:

  • leave a comment
  • ask a question
  • learn more about her programs and products for businesses, corporations, associations, colleges and universities.

 

 

 

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How Do You React to Poor Customer Service?

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How often have you encountered a surly sales clerk or a sour server? Unfortunately, most of us find ourselves on the receiving end of poor customer service more frequently than we’d like.  Some people just seem to show up for work in a bad mood. Like your mother used to say, “They act like they got up on the wrong side of the bed.” When the cashier ignores you or the waiter doesn’t have time to be friendly, it shouldn’t be your problem, but it is.  How should you, as the customer, react when you run into this kind of behavior?  Should you respond in kind, chastise the employee, report the incident to the next level or simply go away and never come back?

Start by treating others as you would like to be treated.  That’s not such a novel idea. Everyone knows the Golden Rule, but some people seem to have forgotten it or perhaps they made a conscious decision not to play by it.  When you find yourself face-to-face with a grump, take the high road. Start by making eye contact, smiling and speaking in a pleasant manner. The grouchy person might possibly perk up and react positively to your behavior.

If your upbeat attitude does not rub off, resist the urge to counterattack.   Going straight for the throat at the first sign of trouble will only make the situation worse and cause you to look bad in the eyes of everyone else. In today’s world, people tend to take matters into their own hands. We see examples of rage and anger all too often, and they never end well.

When you encounter poor customer service or rude behavior, report it to the appropriate person and do so politely. Stay calm. Your concerns will be taken much more seriously if you are cool and collected.  If you rail at the manager, your complaint will be discounted. You will look like the problem rather than the employee.

You can choose to avoid the issue by walking out and vowing never to return. With this kind of non-reaction, you do the business a disservice. Since avoidance is the last thing any establishment wants, give the owner or manager a chance to correct the problem.  Find a manager and report the issue.  The way those in charge react to your problem will let you know if your business is appreciated.

We all want to feel valued, especially when we are parting with our hard-earned dollars.  It is never too much to expect to be treated with kindness, courtesy and respect. Those businesses and their employees who don’t make customer service a priority and the responsibility of everyone in the organization will find themselves wondering where all their customers have gone.

Photo from Savanah magazine

Lydia Ramsey is on a mission to stamp out rudeness and enhance professional conduct in the workplace. She is a Savannah-based business etiquette expert, sought-after speaker, trainer, author and newspaper columnist. Contact her at 912-604-0080 or visit her at LydiaRamsey.com to leave a comment, ask a question or learn more about her programs and products. The author of Manners That Sell – Adding the Polish That Builds Profits and Lydia Ramsey’s Little Book of Table Manners, Lydia is available to speak at your next conference or meeting.

 

 

 

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Should You Talk Politics at the Holiday Dinner?

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Thanksgiving Table MannersIt goes without saying that this has been a difficult year with a contentious presidential primary. You probably thought that peace would be restored once the election process was final. Wrong. In many ways, it has only gotten worse.  Do you dare talk politics during this holiday season?

Before the election, there were those who were willing to talk about the candidates’ behaviors and their verbal attacks on each other, but reluctant to disclose how they planned to vote. As soon as the polls opened, people came out of the woodwork to declare their position and candidate of choice.

You follow the news. You know what has happened since. A lot of it is ugly. As the holidays approach and friends and family gather for the traditional festivities—particularly the holiday dinner–do you dare talk about the election?

No one is naïve enough to believe that family gatherings always go smoothly and joyfully. Every family has one or more members who can stir the pot—not necessarily the one on the kitchen stove. How do you handle that person, or persons, this year who wants to talk politics, the ever-forbidden conversation topic?

Is it wrong to bring up the subject or talk about the obvious “elephant in the room”? Maybe not. How you do it is the tricky part.

  • Do you try to force your opinion on everyone else?
  • Do you put down those who don’t agree with you?
  • Do you become argumentative?
  • Do you toss your napkin on the table and stomp out in anger?
  • Do you force people to take sides and polarize the family?

I hope not.

The political situation cannot be ignored. It’s like living on the coast of Georgia, as I do, and not talking about Hurricane Mathew that ravaged my community. The 2016 election is too much a part of our lives to disregard. It should be discussed and acknowledged, but in a way that values all opinions.

  • To use a cliché, you should agree to disagree.
  • Keep your mind open to the views of others.
  • Listen without being offended.
  • Don’t interrupt.
  • Question without challenging.
  • Beware your body language.
  • Give yourself permission not to join in the conversation.

I am not so naïve as to think that everyone will play by these rules. Some of these family gatherings will end in disaster. Just make sure that you are not the one who caused the 2016 holiday event the one to remember for all the wrong reasons.

Approach those whose opinions you do not share with kindness, courtesy, respect and a heavy dose of tolerance.

13-0811 Lydia Ramsey eBook CoverFor more information on how to handle this and other holiday issues, order a copy of my ebook, Business Etiquette for the Holidays.

 

lydia_sm-e1393277822156Lydia Ramsey is business etiquette and modern manners expert, keynote speaker, seminar leader and author of Manners That Sell-Adding the Polish That Builds Profits. Based in Savannah, Georgia, she travels across the US and as far away as India and Dubai to work with clients that include universities, corporations, small businesses, associations and non-profit organizations. Her topics range from flip-flops to forks. Visit her website www.lydiaramsey.com for more information about her services and resources.

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Etiquette and Good Manners Post Election 2016

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business etiquette expert

After what has been the most divisive and disgraceful presidential primary in modern times, if not ever, when all sense of human kindness, courtesy, etiquette and good manners have been abandoned, we are coming to the end. By that I mean the end of the primary; certainly not the end of the election.

Tuesday the polls will close and later that evening or early the following morning, we should know the name of the next president of the United States. Will that be the end of this period of great angst and stress, or will it be the beginning of an even more dreadful period?

The choice, I believe, is a personal one. You and I cannot control the behavior of others, but we can determine our own. While many have used this presidential primary as an excuse to behave inappropriately, to do and say the most hurtful things about others, it is time to stop and reflect.

Should our words and actions mirror those of the candidates? I think not. It’s time to revisit the meaning of etiquette and good manners. Have we forgotten the value of treating each other with kindness and respect no matter our differences? To quote Michele Obama on their family’s motto when others say or do hurtful things, “When they go low, we go high.”

No matter your feelings when the winner is announced, will you take the high road or the low? Will you gloat to your co-workers who voted for the losing candidate? Will you sulk about the office if your choice was the losing one?

What if we all took this opportunity to put aside any differences and vow to be more accepting of the thoughts and feelings of others? What if we all decided that it is time to heal and not to hurt? If we do, perhaps our future will be brighter than we had anticipated; and our period of distress and disagreement will be over.

Let’s take a page out of President George H.W. Bush’s history book when he wrote his memorable letter to President Clinton in 1993 congratulating him on his victory and pledging his full support. Let’s all go high.

Learn how to “go high” in your behavior by reading my book Manners That Sell!

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Good Manners Equal Good Customer Service

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customer serviceDo you think that good manners and customer service are one and the same?  If you answered “yes”, you’re right.  Isn’t it amazing how many people don’t seem to understand that today?

Everywhere you turn, there is someone with a horror story about customer service. Any businessperson who doesn’t believe that good customer relations are the key to success will not be around long.  Treat people well, and they will continue to come back. Treat them poorly, and they will go elsewhere.

When people have a bad experience, they usually leave without saying why.  When the waiter is rude, you don’t go back to that restaurant. And you rarely tell the owner what went wrong.

However, when the name of that restaurant comes up in conversation, chances are good that you will tell other people more than they wanted to know about your unfortunate experience.  If the incident was bad enough, you won’t wait for an excuse to speak up. You’ll create one, and the people you tell will pass your story on.

Offering quality customer service is simply a matter of good manners and basic courtesy.  It means smiling at the customer and making eye contact, not just putting your hand out for the money while chatting on your cell phone with a friend.  Simply put, focus on the customer.

Hold the door for people coming into your business. Rise when someone enters your office. See that people are comfortable if they have to wait.  Offer a cup of coffee or something to read. Having Wi-Fi available is a must these days. Some doctors’ offices have even installed televisions in their exam rooms so patients can pass the time watching their favorite shows.

Listen to your customers when they have a problem and sympathize.  Take responsibility for what goes wrong if even you don’t feel it was your fault.

When people feel valued, they will come back.  If they sense that you could care less about them or their needs, they will look around until they find someone who does care. It may take a while; but when it happens, your customer is history.

It is always easier to keep current customers than to try to find new ones. Use the same customer service strategies for everyone, and you will see your business and your bottom line grow.  You can learn more about customer service in my book Manners That Sell!

customer service

Photo from Savannah magazine

Hire Lydia to work with your staff to improve customer service and employee relations through the use of those priceless and often over-looked soft skills called manners. Lydia is the “unstuffy” business etiquette expert who helps individuals and organizations add the polish that builds profits. We’re talking about your bottom line here.

Since 1996, countless people have benefited from her wisdom through keynotes, seminars and conference breakout sessions.  Her Southern charm and sense of humor have made her a sought-after speaker and consultant.

Based in Savannah, Georgia, Lydia is available for national, regional and local speaking and training engagements. She has suitcase; will travel.

Contact her via email at lydia@lydiaramsey.com or call 912-604-0080. Sign up for her free monthly newsletter and visit her website, lydiaramsey.com.

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Can You Accept a Compliment Graciously?

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iStock_000058964220_LargeMarch 1st was World Compliment Day although I am not sure how many people were aware of it. Did you receive a compliment then or do you even remember? If so, how did you handle someone saying something nice to or about you? Did it make you feel good or did you find it awkward?

Many people say they have a hard time receiving compliments. They don’t know how to respond and will attempt to brush off a kind remark. Some people have told me that when they receive compliments, they attempt to deny, deflect, explain away, apologize or end up sticking their foot in their mouth with some weird comment.

Why do we react negatively to compliments? Sometimes it is because of our own inadequate feelings about ourselves. It could be that we don’t trust the person who is saying nice things to us. Do they want something from us? On the other hand, it may be the fear of appearing arrogant if we accept the compliment.

The way you handle a compliment says a lot about you and your self-esteem. Apologizing, blushing, looking away or appearing uncomfortable tells people that you don’t have a high opinion of yourself.

So how do you respond to a compliment? With sincere appreciation for the time and the kind words. Make eye contact with the other person, smile and simply say “Thank you.” Once you develop the habit of thanking people for their thoughtfulness, it will become easy to reply with confidence and add a comment.

After you say “thank you,” then add a bit of personal information.  When someone says, “That is a really beautiful necklace;” you respond with “Thank you, it was a gift from a good friend.”

Another option is to share your feelings about the subject. “That was a wonderful presentation you gave our team.” “Thank you, it was my pleasure.”

Say “thank you,” and repay the compliment. “That project you worked on so hard turned out to be a huge hit. “Thank you.  That means a lot, coming from you.”

The confident professional person appreciates a compliment and receives it graciously. The confident professional also gives compliments. They make other people feel good about themselves—and also the one who offers the kind words.  After all, showing kindness, courtesy and respect for others is what etiquette and manners are all about.

I agree with Mark Twain who said, “I can live for two months on a good compliment.”

Photo from Savannah magazine

Photo from Savannah magazine

Hire Lydia to work with your staff to improve customer service and employee relations through the use of those priceless and often over-looked soft skills called manners. Lydia is the “unstuffy” business etiquette expert who helps individuals and organizations add the polish that builds profits. We’re talking about your bottom line here.

Since 1996, countless people have benefited from her wisdom through keynotes, seminars and conference breakout sessions. Her Southern charm and sense of humor have made her a sought-after speaker and consultant.

Based in Savannah, Georgia, Lydia is available for national, regional and local speaking and training engagements. She has suitcase; will travel.

Contact her via email at lydia@lydiaramsey.com or call 912-604-0080. Sign up for her free monthly newsletter and visit her website, lydiaramsey.com

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