Tag Archives: table manners

Check Your Holiday Table Manners

Posted on December 6, 2019 by Lydia Ramsey

The holidays have arrived. There is no doubt about it. Signs of Christmas, Hanukkah and Kwanza are everywhere. In navigating the season, it’s hard to know what to focus on first. Is it planning for the office party, selecting gifts for clients and colleagues, decorating your workplace or sending those holiday cards?

Given that the holidays are all about parties, luncheons and dinners, I suggest as a next step brushing up on your table manners. Nowhere are manners more important than over meals. Table manners prevent us from being sloppy, offensive and boorish. They are part of communicating respect for others. They are not always hard and fast rules; rather they are guidelines to help us in our social and business relationships.

Here are a few reminders of what to do and not do at the holiday dinner and to help you brush up on your table manners:

Do reply to the invitation as soon as you receive it. A quick check of your calendar tells you if you are free or not. It’s not acceptable to wait around to see if a better invitation comes along.

Do what you say you will do. If you accept the invitation, show up. If you decline, you may not attend at the last minute. It’s that simple.

Do let your host know in advance of any food issues. If for cultural or health reasons you have limitations, your host should know ahead of time. However, don’t make this an issue for the person who was kind enough to invite you. He or she need not be responsible for preparing a special meal for you.

Do sit where you find your place card. It doesn’t matter if you aren’t particularly fond of where you are seated. Sit where you are told. Your host had reasons for the seating arrangement.

Do keep all personal belongings off the table. Your purse, even if it is small, does not belong on the table. Other items to keep out of sight are your keys and your cell phone. If you can’t bear to be absent from your phone during the meal, maybe you should have stayed at home.

Do remain seated during the meal. It is rude to act like a jack-in-the-box. If you must excuse yourself, do so between courses. Exceptions are coughing or sneezing fits. By all means, go before you ruin everyone’s meal.

Do wait to begin eating until everyone has been served, and your host has begun to eat. You don’t actually have to wait until the host has started to chew. Just keep in mind that this is not a race to the finish and there are no prizes for first place.

Do pace your eating so that you finish with everyone else. The slow eater is as annoying as the one racing to the finish.

Do make sure that you understand the basics of the place setting. It’s not as difficult as it seems. The basic rule is: Utensils are placed in the order of use; that is, from the outside in. A second rule, with only a few exceptions, is: Forks go to the left of the plate, and knives and spoons go to the right. The exception is: The dessert fork and spoon are placed at the top of the place setting.

As always, good manners are most noticed by their absence.

Lydia Ramsey is a Savannah-based business etiquette expert, keynote speaker, trainer and author. Contact her at 912-604-0080 or visit her website: LydiaRamsey.com. Find out how her presentations and workshops can help you and your employees add the polish that builds profits. Kindness and courtesy can have an impact on your bottom line.

If you want more tips on table manners, order your copy of my Little Book of Table Manners – 85 Tips for Dining for Success.

Thanksgiving Table Manners–Let’s Talk Turkey

Posted on November 24, 2015 by Lydia Ramsey

Let’s talk about your Thanksgiving table manners–and not a minute too soon. After all the clock is ticking.

You might expect that I am about to tell you which fork to use and how to remove that unwanted item from your mouth during the meal, but I’m not. I am going to go off the grid and talk about some of those pesky little things that occur at the Thanksgiving gathering of friends, family and close workplace associates.

Here are a few of the do’s for minding your Thanksgiving table manners:

Do think about topics for conversation ahead of time. There is a lot happening in the world. Not all of it is good as you well know. Steer clear of doom and gloom. And for heaven’s sake, don’t talk about the current election or pre-election issues. Think about interesting and noncontroversial subjects to discuss. Don’t ask anyone questions that are intrusive, like “So when do you two plan on having children?” or “Have you given any thought to getting married any time soon?”
Do offer to bring a dish or a beverage to the dinner. No surprises, please. Ask the host what you can do to be helpful or to complement the meal. If you decide to take flowers at the last minute, be sure that you take them in a container and already arranged. The host or hostess should not have to stop receiving guests or preparing the meal to search for a vase and make a floral arrangement at the last minute. If you bring wine without notice, don’t expect it to be served at the meal. In fact, make it clear that it is a gift for later.
Do offer to help either before the meal to set things out or afterwards to clean up. Unless the host has a staff of servants, you need not expect to be waited on hand and foot. You are there as a participant not an observer.
Do leave that cell or smart phone in the off position and out of sight. Please, please, please do not put it on the dining table or anywhere that will give the impression you are either terribly important or terribly bored.
Do remember to thank your host on your way out for the wonderful time and the delicious meal–even if you hated those sweet potatoes with the marshmallows on top.
Do sit down and craft a handwritten note as soon as you get home. Nothing expresses gratitude in quite the same way as a personal note that you took the time to write.

One last tip: if you do find yourself with something in your mouth that you can’t chew or swallow, the rule is that it comes out the same way it goes in. So if it went in with your fingers, it comes out with your fingers. If it went in with a fork or spoon, it comes out with a fork or spoon. If that rule sends shivers down your spine, go with the latest advice for modern manners, hold your napkin to your mouth with as little fanfare as possible and remove the item with your fingers. Feel better now?

Happy Thanksgiving!

Lydia

P.S. If you have other concerns about your Thanksgiving table manners, you can order my eBook on holiday etiquette and download it immediately before you go to that Thanksgiving dinner. With my book in hand (should you choose to print it out) or on your laptop, iPad or phone, you will sail seamlessly through the holidays.

Photo from Savannah magazine

Hire Lydia to work with your staff to improve customer service and employee relations through the use of those priceless and often over-looked soft skills called manners. Lydia is the “unstuffy” business etiquette expert who helps individuals and organizations add the polish that builds profits. We’re talking about your bottom line here.

Since 1996, countless people have benefited from her wisdom through keynotes, seminars and conference breakout sessions. Her Southern charm and sense of humor have made her a sought-after speaker and consultant.

Based in Savannah, Georgia, Lydia is available for national, regional and local speaking and training engagements. She has suitcase; will travel.

Contact her via email at lydia@lydiaramsey.com or call 912-604-0080. Sign up for her free monthly newsletter and visit her website, lydiaramsey.com

Left Handers Day

Posted on August 13, 2015 by Lydia Ramsey

Did you know that there is such a thing as “Left Handers Day?” This is an event, which recognizes the 10% of people in the world who are left-handed, and is celebrated across the globe on August 13th. Mark your calendars so you don’t miss it.

In my training sessions, particularly when I am speaking about shaking hands or table manners, the left handers in the group are quick to point out the challenges they face in trying to be well-mannered in a right-handed world. For example. when shaking hands anywhere in the world, the right hand is extended. Lefties have learned to adjust. Studies show that they are generally more flexible and adaptable than right handers. Of course, they have little choice.

The rules of dining also offer challenges. Left handers have to be careful not to commandeer their neighbor’s bread and butter plate which is always positioned on the left side of the place setting. Left handers are often tempted to put their glass of water, tea or wine down on the left side of the place setting rather than the right where beverages belong. It is more convenient and manageable for them but causes confusion for the person seated on their left.

Lefties, given a choice, will take the seat at the end of the table where there is no one on their left. The reason for this–when a left-handed person has a right-handed person on their left, the two run the risk of bumping elbows during the meal.

If you want to learn more about left handers and the challenges they face, check out their website.

My favorite quote from the site is “Right handed people operate in the left side of the brain. Left handed people use the right side. Therefore, only left-handed people are in their right mind.”

As a matter of courtesy and respect, we right handers need to be more sensitive of left handers and their daily trials.

Additional information on being courteous and respectful of others can be found in my book, Manners That Sell – Adding the Polish That Builds Profits.

Photo from Savannah magazine

Based in Savannah, Georgia, Lydia is available for national, regional and local speaking and training engagements. She has suitcase; will travel.

Contact her via email at lydia@lydiaramsey.com or call 912-604-0080. Sign up for her free monthly newsletter and visit her website, lydiaramsey.com

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